Archive for the ‘Misc. Stuff’ Category

Im owed some diamonds

I have been writing bad bad things on the internet now for 10 years. The Daily Rant is 10 years old today. In lieu of birthday cake I’m going to offer you all my insincere apologies! 😛

RIP George Carlin

Crazy meats

Last week I ate Musk Ox. Tonight I am making my spaghetti sauce with Buffalo meat instead of the usual Beef. Up next week are Kangaroo steaks. Can Ostrich be far behind?


Watching House the other night:

House plunks his cane on a patients foot…

Patient: “I’m sure it was an accident”
House: “Is he Canadian?”
Nurse: “Uh, he’s a low priority”
House: “Is that a yes?”


The Rejection

I’ve pulled off the side of the road. I am taking pictures of the mountain. We are ALL taking pictures of the mountain. It is surprising how many people I see out here with all kinds of equipment. I am not talking about the casual tourist/sunday drive types with a quickie-digital-hold-at-arms-length type of camera. I’m talking cameras worth as much as my car and lenses as long as my leg. Okay, maybe not quite that long, but LONG. I barely fit into this group but whatever.

So I’m on the side of the road, my car door is open and I have some suitable tunes coming out from my car stereo. Im taking some pictures of the mountain at sunset – standing about 20 feet in front of my car. Another car pulls off the road right in front of me. A girl gets out. Perhaps about 25ish.


Laptops Laptops Laptops!!!!

So I am going to buy a laptop.  Some of you reading this may have used a computer before 😉 and have an opinion on what sort of brand I should consider.

As this will mostly be used for photography during travel, I am looking for one with at least 2 gigs ram, XP (no vista, no no no), decent amount of HD space.  The processor should be intel, but Im not overly concerned with speed at the moment.    Not sure Im that interested in brands such as Gateway, lenovo, or Acer (prior experiences).

Any brand loyalties you care to share or some info to point me in the right direction?  🙂

Thinking below $1000 CDN.

Thanks 🙂

A quick brain dump…

A few points I want to make:


  1. If you are showing me an apartment or suite… for the love of Pete please tell the damn current tenant we are coming to look at it. Not only is it illegal to not give 24 hours notice, what sort of information are you passing along to me as the prospective new tenant? Why would you not do the same to me? How is my witnessing the argument between you two gonna help? Still, good insight to have.
  2. If you are showing me an apartment or suite… take a look inside of it before you show it to me. That way, you can catch the fact that your evidently disgruntled tenant has not only left the heat cranked “all the way to sauna”, not only left pornography playing in the DVD player, but evidently defacated on the kitchen counter. The viewing was the one of the longest 20 seconds of my life. I did not indicate to the owner a desire to live there.

Odds N’ Ends

  1. Running sucks. Running really sucks. Running really really sucks. Even if you have new shoes, a positive outlook and an ipod to distract you from your physical pain… running sucks. Thats all I have to say about that.
  2. Papercuts. I don’t have a fear of them, I just don’t like them. Today I sliced my finger open on a piece of cardboard. Not completely sure that qualifies, but I don’t think papercuts have some sort of governing body to determine these sorts of semantics, so I shall soldier on with my story, such as it is, without guidance.The true nature of my biblical papercut was secret for a while. I felt it slice me a bit, but didn’t really think much about it. Until the customer pointed out that I’d bled all over the invoice, the box, and the countertop. Not a large quantity I suppose, I was in no danger of actually bleeding to death. The thing was more in the mess it made. Took me a while to stop the bugger from leaking everywhere too. The customer was not amused. I washed his countertop myself. Spic and span, though not sterile.
  3. Seems papercuts are not on the list. What exactly are the Pulpuslacerataphobians actually afraid of then? Its not like its going to kill you!


Four words to strike fear into your heart, and sum up the end of my work day:


You have no idea.

The answers lie in the bottom of a saucepan

In my new(er) job I have to drive around the city a LOT. I get to see all manner of interesting things that people do. Some good, some bad.

Im sitting at a red light… and I notice a guy handcuffed face down on the sidewalk. Various police officers are standing around, one is writing down what an old man with an apron is saying. A few things are strewn on the sidewalk, looks like drug addled LayingOnTheGroundManTM> tried to steal something. The perp is yelling out things like “stop kicking me!” and “police brutality!” despite the fact nobody is touching him. A soccer mom type woman comes up, takes the officers arm and starts asking why the guy was getting kicked (if you yell it, it MUST be true!). She has that “I know better than anyone” tone of voice I don’t like from nosy people. I hear her say “I don’t like the way you are treating him”. I can smell the minivan.

This was all very interesting until the guy handcuffed on the ground BIT HER ON THE LEG!


She hopped around and swore a little and then, in what was a truly great moment, she kicked LayingOnTheGroundManTM> in the face. It looked like the cop was about to restrain her when the concentration I was giving the situation was shattered by the honking of the horn in the car behind me. The light had turned green, it was time to move on.

Sometimes I have to go down back alleys in seedy places. If you know Vancouver – imagine the alleys of Main and West Hastings. Not pretty. Not at all. Then there was the guy who was…. uhm.. “interacting” with a prostitute and gave me a double thumbs up as I drove by whilst looking for a hard to find address. An image seared in my brain, but I found the address.

Im merging onto the freeway. One of those two merge lanes that first merge into one, before merging into the “slow lane”. This is often a complicated maneuver, not because of my ability to do so, but because of the necessity of piloting around those who seemingly do not. You get the type that want to merge into the 100 km/hr zone going only 40, those that don’t find their immediate merge window and STOP. Oh how I hate the stoppers. On this particular occasion none of the usual problematic scenarios reared its ugly head, though Murphy did throw himself into the works.

One of the vans I drive for work has a real crappy mechanism to put the driver side window up and down. The crank simply is buggered, and you have to work hard to get anywhere. In the hot summer, sans air conditioning, you gotta drive with all the windows rolled down to prevent from expiring from some heat related ailment. Its a wind tunnel, basically. So Im merging onto the freeway in my Chevrolet wind tunnel, and the boss radios me on the (of all things) radio. The ONLY way to hear anything on said radio is to roll up the window, which I tried, whilst merging, and it was not going easy. Then I had the skin between my thumb and index finger on my right hand (the left was on the wheel) get stuck between that round part on the handle. This was a problem, it hindered my mobility, it hurt, and I was MERGING ONTO THE &@(#*#& FREEWAY!

So the boss is calling (twice now) on the radio, my right hand is stuck in the window crank, the window is still down, the van is a wind tunnel, Im merging using only my left hand to steer. Then I began sneezing.

In Theaters Summer 2005. Toothbrush IV: The bloodletting

I realize this may come as a shock. Sit down or something.

I have come to the conclusion that I'm very quickly losing what was at one time profound excitement and joy at the prospect of my new toothbrush. Recently employed, one of my first expenditure was the long awaited and necessary new toothbrush. My old, tired and worn toothbrush had remained faithful to the last days, but was really not that useful after months of being employed in its task. So I went out and purchased the new dental implement, got it home and could barely contain my excitement whilst I placed the carefully metered amount of toothpaste upon it. This was the most wonderful toothbrushing experience ever, but it was not without consequences. My oral innards were used to the old tired toothbrush, not this spry, new TartarTyrant™. Consequently, my gums had quite a ride as the stiff bristles attacked their skins. All was good until the next morning, when I once again eagerly rushed to the toothbrush to tend to my pear-lies. My poor raw gums screamed and shrieked as the stiff bristles of my new toothbrush ran amok amongst their raw and sensitive folds, crimson blood flowed from the new openings, and my morning tooth brushing bliss was shattered with the screams of disappointment that can only come from a bad brushing scenario.

Life is so full of disappointment.